Friday, February 4, 2011

#TravelRants Twitter Trails #2

Fiery Passport o' Doom!

10-1 odds that the thug/intellectual wanna-be talking loud on his cel phone gets off at the Denny's. #TransitRants
2 Feb
This is one of those things that have popped up since I started riding the EmeryGoRound. There has been this plague of young black dudes hopping on the EGoRound and trying to talk in their cel phone like their PDiddy. I’m supposed to believe you’re negotiating a multi million dollar contract while riding the free shuttle from the Oakland Bart and walking to the Denny’s?  I swear 1 guy’s cel phone wasn’t even turned on while talking into his phone about ordering the $2000 rims for his ride. Do $2000 rims even exist? These  guys are talking about shit that could not possibly be going down from a free shuttle and doing it real loud to make sure everyone knows and trying desperately to make eye contact so they could let you know how important they are. Drives me nuts! You are who you are! Deal with it!

I want to help the biz girl cornered by the creepy old euro guy chatting her up. I wonder if he knows this isn't Versailles? #TransitRants
2 Feb
Oh poor little business lady blond. I wish beyond wish I could be an old European man. They don’t give a shit about what anyone thinks of them. In a near empty bus he sits his 5’ 6” balding, stinking paunchy self next to a gorgeous young blond professional and does his damnedest to get her interested. This girl came just short of stabbing him with her pen and yet he still persisted in trying to get her information and came just short of not letting her out of her seat until she relented. What the hell is going on in Europe that they breed delusional old men douchebags like this?

Hey asshole, Can I request you wear a smaller backpack so when you keep backing into me it hurts less. Thanx. #TransitRants
2 Feb
Let me paint a picture. Me, minding my own business, standing on the BART. Enter backpack Basher. A tall,middle age guy with a huge backpack walks in face to face with me, about 6 inches from my face, and promptly turns around smacking with his backpack. As we’re rolling down the line he keeps hitting me with his backpack until I finally snap  and on one of his lean forward moments I take a stand and plant my elbow where his ribs will back right into my elbow. He clangs against it and gives me a dirty look. I was here first asshole! Wearing your iPod and texting one handed does not give you a free pass to write off everything else in the world and treat the rest of us as unimportant props.

EGoRound 20 min late. He parks in the boondocks so we miss the Bart due to the long walk. Perfect start to the day >:( #TransitRants
2 Feb
I’ve grown to recognize the EGoRound drivers and there is one that I’m convinced hates passengers. This is my favorite trick of his. He’ll stop at the the second to last stop before picking us up; he lollygags there for a bit doing nothing fully aware that we can see him sitting there staring at us. And then when he deigns to pick us up he drops us off a hundred miles from the BART! Some drivers will drop us off closer than usual but this guy goes out of his way to make sure we miss our train! I wish we knew which driver was going to be working each so I know when to either wake up earlier or bring a sock full of nickels for this guy’s head.

Thanks for dropping your heavy bag on my foot. I didn't need lefty. It will add to my pimp stroll. Where my pimp cane at?! #TransitRants
1 Feb
My pimp stroll isn’t quite as legendary as Dolemite but it got a big step forward thanks to this asshole. he walks in with a cloth bag full of tools and drops it right on my foot and doesn’t even acknowledge it! What kind of asshole does with sort of asshattery?! No apology, no awareness no nothing! I should have stolen a wrench or something.

EGoRound driver was whistling at a girl while at a stop sign. Focus driver-oh snap! She was pretty! Whistle on brother! #TransitRants
1 Feb
She was pretty damn hot but also about 30 yrs younger than the driver. I hope when I get old and grey I’ll still have the guts to whistle and holla at a pretty girl. As obnoxious as it is there is a part of it that’s endearing. Of course, I’m not a pretty chick so I don’t have to deal with the other side of it. Sound off pretty girls, is it endearing when an old man whistles at you or just creepy and weird?

2nd and Howard is an accident laden cluster. Stay away! #TransitRants
1 Feb
This looked like one of those fuck you accidents at the corner of 2nd and Howard. Someone left their ass hanging out too long to make a turn on red and got smashed into by a motorcycle that wasn’t paying attention. Focus people! Focus!

Monday, January 31, 2011

Penance Log of Brannan Brundle: Entry 4

No Escape!
Palast, Misham the 6th*

I didn’t even last an hour this time. I figured I’d go the other way away from the main pasture and steer clear of the Abbot. I headed toward the laundry lines and there’s my good buddy Etal along with a few other scrawny cheese monks. This time I decide to slip by them between the laundry sheets. I was up to a good run until that twerp Etal somehow got ahead of me and tripped my feet right out from under me from the other side of the sheets. I hit the ground hard and all the other little cheesey priests piled on. I had no chance, sure one on one I’d mop the floor with the creeps but there was too damn many of them. Abbot Morrow only pointed out how lucky that I was to be provided with St. Cuthbert’s lesson on the importance of teamwork. What a bunch of bunk, I’ve always worked alone and I’ve done just fine. Unfortunately the Abbot has decided that since I’m well enough for escape attempts I’m well enough to begin going to services and start work. If I wanted to work I'd have stayed at my father’s smithy!

*The days/months I'm using is the Solamnic calendar from Dragonlance because it's neato.
For more information on the Pen of Penance feature read this post.
For more info on Brannan Brundle see this post.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Media Madness #2 Comic Review of: Warriors of Dharuk #1

Media Madness #2 Comic Review of Warriors of Dharuk #1
This edition of Media Madness is a review of the impending comic Warriors of Dharuk #1. One of the most unique aspects of this comic is that it is being written by Stephen Lindsay and his 7 year old son Ayden.

Warriors of Dharuk follows the story of Jodi,  a young Rikki (warrior) of Clan Dharuk. The Dharuk resemble koala bearesque creatures with decidedly unkoala-like attitudes. The position of a Dharuk warrior is highly prestigious and the comic presents itself as Jodi's journey to join their ranks.

Along the way we are introduced to an anthropomorphic world that at times seems pastoral and verdant but also possesses such technology as automatic weaponry. Jody's first antagonists resemble evil flying squirrels and ride ostrich like steeds but those mounts are armed with automatic machine guns presenting a wonderful juxtaposition that begs the reader to ask questions about this world.

We are introduced to a father figure in the form of an Armadillo like fighter of great ability. The seeds of mentor-ship are sown in their first memorable meeting. The first issue also presents us with a high level villain in the form of an alligator monarch that seems as cunning and intelligent as he is powerful. This is a refreshing change from most villains usually being either strong or smart but not both.

Warriors of Dharuk presents us with a world richly illustrated by Dave Myers with colors by Freddy Lopez Jr. Gone or the typical comic styles of hard lines and static or overly digital effects. Myers and Lopez present a rich, painterly world that is beautiful to look at with unique characters and lush, detailed backgrounds.

Pros: Warriors of Dharuk #1 presents the reader with a unique world that has enough familiarity to be engaging to a young reader while challenging them with interesting ideas such as the mixed technology. The main character and supporting cast are compelling and make you want to follow the journey. The world has an implied richness thanks to the lush, qualities of the artwork and distinct personalities of the characters. This is a great comic to help younger audiences make the transition for kids books to comics.

Cons: The violence of the story might make some parents shy away from presenting it to their kids. If you feel your kids can handle the battles which are not terribly graphic than this is the book to get them into comics. The book appears to be a hero's journey which is well trod upon territory but the world makes it worth the trip.

Rating Round Up
If you're looking for superhero type action than this isn't the comic for you. If you're looking for a fun read with creative and unique art than I can't recommend this book high enough; especially if you have young kids you want to introduce to comics.

3.5 Kirby Dots out of 5

Friday, January 21, 2011

Penance Log of Brannan Brundle: Entry 3

I asked for some of that magic healing for the working over the Abbot gave me yesterday and I swear that pipsqueak Etal laughed at me. What kind of holy men are these scum? I’m obviously suffering from the beating from one of their own and they won’t lift a finger to help! Etal just mumbled something about the first of St. Cuthbert’s lessons has been shown to me by the abbot himself. Something about every action having a consequence or some such nonsense. I’ve half a mind to strangle that little rotter in his sleep but I wonder if Abbot Morrow trained him too. I’ll play it safe for now but that little bug Etal and that blasted Abbot will taste my wrath soon enough. The Abbot is a problem though, I’ll have to be more clever when I try to escape next time.

*The days/months I'm using is the Solamnic calendar from Dragonlance because it's neato.
For more information on the Pen of Penance feature read this post.
For more info on Brannan Brundle see this post.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Wild Hair Entry 1: Amnesia and Stupidity makes The Cape Go ‘Round

I finally had a chance to watch the 2 hour premiere of The Cape yesterday and despite many of my geek friends nay saying it I enjoyed it thoroughly. Yes, it’s implausible and silly with thin characters and overly dramatic syrup scenes but I found it fun and cheesy in the best way possible.

There are a million things I could complain about in this show. Whether it’s the insane physics of spider cloth, the radically shifting ethics of main characters or mysteriously disappearing wounds of characters there are many avenues of vitriol I could saunter down. I want to bring up something that seems to plague many shows, not just sci-fi or fantasy shows.

My big problem with this show is the not so subtle combination of stupidity and amnesia that seems to plague these characters. Granted, the main character of Vincent is pretty generic looking as far as leading men go but not until the very end does he even consider a mask.

He talks to his son from about 10 ft away and yet this kid doesn’t recognize his dad’s voice or most of his face despite the fact that ‘The Cape’ admonished him about things only his parents could know. Either this kid is ridiculously stupid or a Gilligan-esque  scene was cut in which the kid was hit on the head with a coconut. If my dad showed up 10 feet away dressed as my favorite superhero (Matter Eater Lad) and started talking to me I’m sure I’d recognize him even at age 10.

Next up is the ‘criminal genius’ Chess. Chess knows Vincent, he sees him without a mask and with a mask and even sets the schmuck up so you’d think a genius might remember that guy and yet he doesn’t seem to recognize him. Chess also kidnaps the hero’s mentor and after the guy escapes promptly forgets about him. Days pass and no retribution from this supposedly ruthless criminal genius. Is that more stupidity or amnesia?

I think Chess must also have perfected amnesia gas because every simpleton in his police force seems to be in on his plots in both guises. Why would he use Ark officers in his Chess guise and business guy persona?! Why does the faceless officer know of his plan to poison the Secretary guy in charge of Prisons? You think people might start wondering why the same jack booted officers guard the biggest criminal mastermind in the city as well as Palm City’s leading business man?

There was enough fun stuff and hotties in The Cape to make me want to come back and keep watching for awhile. I caught the last half of the episode on Monday and it showed some promise. I just hope the writers figure out the importance of a secret identity and that everyone shouldn’t have the memory of a goldfish.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Penance Log of Brannan Brundle: Entry 2

Escape? Not likely...
Palast, Majetag the 4th*
About one hour, that’s how long before they caught up to me. I wasn’t expecting them to be awake before dawn but evidently that’s the best time to milk their thrice damned cows and what do I do? I run right through the main pasture smack dab into the Abbot. I ain’t never been scared of no holy man before, except maybe some of those priest of Hextor in the bleeding armor, so I thought I’d waltz right though this cheese monk. I was wrong. Upon spotting me he asked me only 1 question: “Do you write with your right or left hand Brannan?”. I answered my right and closed on him in hopes of maybe gaining a little coin for my escape. The next thing I know I’m on the ground being beaten mercilessly by this spry old cleric. I’m covered in bruises everywhere except my writing hand for reasons only obvious now. Great Moradin what have I got myself into?!

*The days/months I'm using is the Solamnic calendar from Dragonlance because it's neato.
For more information on the Pen of Penance feature read this post.
For more info on Brannan Brundle see this post.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Media Madness #1: Go to Hell Apps!

Go to Hell Apps!
Game App Pet Peeves
“Hi, my name is Ray and I’m an App addict.”
“Hi Ray”!
“It’s been 34 seconds since I last bought an’s been 2 seconds since I last bought an app.”

I love my iPhone apps. It’s true. They make my life easier, funner and generally bearable; especially while riding the cattle car that is the BART. However I do have a few app pet peeves that are driving me insane and instead of screaming silently in my brain (or out loud at the top of my lungs in BART) I thought I’d rant at you nice people.

1) My music is better than your music.
This is a big one and when I think of the number of apps I’ve bought that I don’t play because the damn app doesn’t let me listen to my music or podcasts it makes my wallet weep dollar like crocodile tears. It drives me crazy that these apps want me to listen to the same 5 sounds over and over again rather than let me listen to the gigs of music and podcasts I’ve painstakingly purchased and downloaded.
Listen up App developers! Let me listen to my own soundtrack and I will play your game, get exposed to your advertising and consider other games you make far more often than if you make me listen to the same stock sound beeps I’ve heard a million times before!

2) Slap it up, flip it, rub it down!
This is another ridiculously easy one that so few apps think of. The number of apps that you can’t rotate is alarming to me! So many apps’ default horizontal position makes it uncomfortable to use when you have headphones plugged in it’s ridiculous. A simple fix for this is to allow the user to flip the screen and play in the orientation that is most comfortable to them instead of the orientation the developer demands. And what about left handed people? How about offering flipped controls for my mutant freak left handed friends out there!

3) Developer Ego Boom
One of the cheapest tricks is the delaying of a game’s start, ostensibly for it to load, and using that time to display the company logo for a few seconds longer than necessary. If you’re company name or logo is so long and/or confusing that you feel I need a full 10 seconds to absorb it then something has gone horribly awry with your marketing people. Making me stare at your logo for an extra 5 seconds is only going to infuriate me so just load the damn game and let me get on with my life.

Friday, January 7, 2011

#TravelRants Twitter Trails #1

Here's the first installment of #TravelRants Twitter Trails. This should give you an idea of what it's all about:

Blew off the Powell bus for the WG Express which just went right past me. Wonder if he knows he's still on duty? #TravelRants
5 Jan
Lately the Watergate Express, my direct shuttle of choice, has been dropping people off and then going on it’s merry way without picking us up only to mysteriously show up again 10 minutes later. I doubt the guy has a break since it’s the last run the Watergate Express. I suspect a drug problem, he wants to catch the last 5 minutes of a Colbert rerun or he’s just a sadistic bastard that hates us.

EGoRound stopped to let an ambulance go by and now my schedule is shot! That hurt/sick person better survive or I'll be pissed! #TravelRants
5 Jan
Correction, I was pissed no matter what. I hope the person is OK and not just a hypochondriac that like messing with my schedule/sanity. I used to live amongst many older people and retirees and they would sometimes call an ambulance for the company. Did they never hear of Peter and the Wolf? What if they really did get hurt and the ambulance blew it off? Do they want to die on their kitchen floor as the Granny that Cried Broken Hip?

Why bother lining up if everyone is going to just trample each other into the Bart? Never have so many trampled for so little. #TravelRants
4 Jan
WTH people! Some of us stand patiently queued up (that’s right, I went all UK on your asses with the word queue) and when the train opens the doors we’re trampled by rude Johnny come Latelies desperate for a seat. I’m one more trampled loafer away tripping people into the 3rd rail!

Clipper Card screws up attempting to credit me back for a double charge. Not fixed til Thursday :-( Progress in action! #TravelRants
3 Jan
The fine people at Clipper double charged me and in attempt to show competence they decide to credit me back. Unfortunately the crediting account isn’t the same as the billing account which causes the BoFA to freeze my credit card with me blissfully unaware. Then two days later they charge to recharge my card only to have it blocked cuz the card is still frozen. I get it straightened out but it’s going to take 4 days to get the Clipper Card reactivated! That’s progress people. They can stop a card in a nanosecond but it tales 4 days to get a loyal customer up and running. Had to use a paper BART card like a caveman all week!

Missed the 1st BART of the New Year thanks to a malfunctioning Clipper Card. So it begins...#TravelRants
3 Jan
See previous insanity and Happy New Years. I hope you resolve to comment more on my blog this year.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Pen Of Penance: Entry 1

Penance Log of Brannan Brundle
Palast, Newkolt the 3rd*

Not the best way to start this new year for Nerull’s sake. I’m not sure what’s the more galling notion, first that I get pinched by the guard for a simple misunderstanding over a coin pouch or getting sentenced to a year laboring for these blasted monks! Cheese monks of St. Cuthbert if you could believe such nonsense! Oh sure, they try and church themselves up a bit amongst the peasant rabble, Holy Order of St. Cuthbert’s Pious Providers. Bah, they’re a bunch of monks and priests that milk cows and make cheese and now I’m supposed to be a slave for this lot. I think not. They expect me to write my thoughts down and reflect on my past sins in this log so how’s this for a start you dolts! I’ll be fleeing at first light and they can kiss my labor goodbye!

*The days/months I'm using is the Solamnic calendar from Dragonlance because it's neato.
For more information on the Pen of Penance feature read this post.
For more info on Brannan Brundle see this post.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Blog 2! Electric Boogalo!

Now I'm back, from outer space,
You walked in to find me here with that sad look upon my face;
You should have changed that stupid lock or made me leave my key,
If you'd known for 1 second that I'd come back and give you another dose of me!

That’s right people the blog is back with a new format and hopefully a new banner soon!
The first go at blogging in 2010 was to serve 2 purposes:
1) Let me try it out so I could try blogging from a user perspective and do my job better.
2) See if it was a fulfilling forum for writing.
The new goals for the blog in 2011 are purely self indulgent attempts to create, share and make myself feel like a productive human being. I’m restructuring the blog via my Molecule Manesque ability to restructure matter on a sub atomic level using only the power of sarcasm and self generated bile.
I’m going to try and offer regular content with extras interspersed at my own whim and dependent entirely on my amount of energy, anger and coffee in my system.
Here are the regular features I will be attempting:
4T Icon. Fear It!
Monthly Feature: #TravelRants Twitter Trails
#TravelRants Twitter Trails will be a a monthly round up of the travel insanity I encounter on the BART, EmeryGoRound and general travel weirdness I encounter. Follow me on Twitter and/or Facebook @ GeekGamerguy to see these micro rants in real time and comment to ask for more details there. I’ll collect these monthly and add more details not allowed by the Twitter character count. This will usually post in the first week of the month.

I will eat your eyes!
Bi-Weekly Feature: Media Madness
I’m a media junkie; comics, movies, tv, podcasts etc rule me with their pixely fists! Every couple weeks I’ll offer thoughts on these media outlets and the good and bad (usually bad) content thrown at our brains like so much monkey feces. This will usually post in the 2nd and 4th week of the month.

St. Cuthbert rules you!
Weekly Feature: The Pen of Penance
This is my favorite feature and I’ll probably be the only one that reads it. My current Dungeons and Dragons character needs some back story which I will tell in the form of a log he was being forced to keep by the monks that rehabilitated him so many years ago. This is an effort on my part to creatively write in a focused manner. I hope you’ll like it as much as I will enjoy agonizing over it.

Non-Scheduled Feature: Wild Hairs
These will be features that are not scheduled but things that occur to me to write about. Think about them as bonus content or surprise buttsecks. Whatever floats your boat.

So that is the plan people. Send me suggestions on things you’d like me to talk about and any questions you’d like answered and I’ll do my best. Also, If there are any artists out there that want to make a new banner for Creativosity (760 pixels wide) than let me know. I’m also going to make icons for each feature. Let me know if you have any ideas or suggestions on what they should be.
Good luck in 2011 people!

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Merry Christmas!

Merry X-mas One & All! I decided to bring back the blog a month early for a special x-mas emergency. Pictured to your left is the drawing done by John Williams that was supposed to be my christmas card this year. However, thanks to a snafu at the printer they won't be done in time. Instead I offer you the animated version right here on the blog. Merely click Santa and get a special christmas message!

Monday, October 18, 2010

National Broadcast Mercs Must Die!

Let it be known that I love baseball more than I love you; unless you’re my daughter and then it depends on the day and our playoff status. I’m currently on cloud 9 (Matt William’s uni #) that my SF Giants are in the pennant hunt and currently tied with the Philadelphia Loud Mouth Fans with No Class or Common Decency...or whatever their team name is.

All season I’ve had the privilege of listening to the best broadcast team on radio or TV bar none. I’ve been all over this US and watched/listened to games from coast to coast and we have the most knowledgeable crew from top to bottom. They are so good I’ve become more spoiled than the college girls Barry Zito romances between starts (allegedly).

Which brings me to the crux of my rage. National Broadcasters suck. The End. The obvious favoritism toward the Phils on the last two broadcasts has rocketed well past shameful straight into a bean dip bowl of ridiculousness. In the first place these guys seem so convinced the Giants are just going to roll over for the Phils that it seems they didn’t even bother to learn the most basic stories of interest for the Giants.

The Phils are batting and they talk about the Phillies batters despite Lincecum dealing like a mad man and when the Giants come to bat what do they talk about? The Phillies pitcher! As if the 30 minute segment on Halladays complete game shut out wasn’t enough now we have to hear about it constantly when the Giants are up to bat?!

Cody Ross hits two home runs and they don’t murmur a syllable about how his acquisition was a strategic move to block him from the Padres; they don’t mention his previous heroics or the fact that he recently had a kid even. Nope, Cody Ross gets the first hit off Halladay in the playoffs for the lead in the first game of the series and all they can talk about is how great Halladay is and how he seldom makes a mistake to location and how delicious his dick is when they blow him before the game.

The lack of respect for west coast sports is utterly ridiculous and has to stop. Hey Tim McCarver, I know you’re older than Joltin’ Joe’s jock strap but would it kill you to learn what Google is and maybe learn something about a Giant beyond what’s in the media guide?! We all know Bochy used to manage the Padres! You have unfettered access to these athletes before the games start, how about putting down the blow dryer and asking them some interesting questions so we can get some insight?!
Joe Buck's 'O' Face
Don’t even get me started on that pompous prick Joe “My dad was GREAT at this” Buck. Is there anyone on television more delusional about his hairline and actual talent this side of Donald Trump?!  It’s pronounced Ooo-ree-bay; not Yer-E-bay you boring, talentless hack! I wouldn’t use Joe Buck for firewood much less entertainment or information.

I’ve given up on national broadcaster mercenaries and I can’t even synch up on the radio either because of the damn TV time outs and all the other advertising bull shit. I think I’m going to watch the rest of the games with the Flash Gordon soundtrack playing and double my beer intake. It’s the only way I can cope with the stress of Giant’s playoff baseball. Go Giants!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Brannan Brundle Adventure Log: V:3 E:1 Golconda Looms

Brannan Brundle Adventure Log*
Vol. 3 Entry 1
Golconda Looms
I see troubling times ahead but occasionally a ray of light shines out. I head back to Golconda with a heavy heart due to recent troubles but I have hope I can do some good with like minded heroes. I act as I always do as the guard captain for the usual spring shipment of our fine cheeses but my true mission is to infiltrate the ranks of Hydra Company. My monk brethren have requested I join this group of heroes and validate their virtue. Golconda sinks further into decadence and evil and the church will require heroes of great strength if we are ever to take back this once virtuous city.

I have seen the caravan through to Golconda with a minimum of course. A few monstrous humanoid attacks and some misguided bandits who I had to teach the error of their ways with my morningstar. My brothers acquitted themselves well in the battles and our shipment of fine cheeses have been delivered safely to the market and supplies have been acquired. I await the arrival of my contact in the Hydra Company.

*I'll be blogging on the adventures of  the current Golconda DnD campaign, sometimes with images once I get unburied as a regular feature of the blog in addition to the transit, pop culture and general life rants.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

PAX Quick Hit: Food Fail 2: The French Toast is a Lie!

I'm gonna say it, I love breakfast, specifically the carbtastic additions like pancakes, waffles and french toast. My cinnamon sugar french toast and brown sugar waffles have made grown men weep and stopped at least 2 wars. You can't imagine how happy I was on my return leg in the Seattle airport, after struggling through security and losing my commemorative, vibrating grenade stress toy, to see on the menu at the cafe by my gate one of my favorite preflight meals: french toast!

I was lured in with promises of sweet maple syrup, light, soft bread dipped lovingly in farm fresh eggs. With visions of deliciousness dancing in my head I happily ordered such fare from my overly perky waitress and waited. There I sat licking my chops and enjoying the anticipation of the moment.

Before I knew it they arrived and  my heart sank like the Niners playoff hopes.

I didn't pay $11 for breakfast to get a ghetto last resort meal! Wheat bread is used in french toast only under duress or if you're trying to be a pretentious prick. I think we know which option this cafe was going for.

I don't really have a problem with this cafe trying to dress up their french toast with some hippie wheat bread with more nuts in it than a Haight Ashbury bath house but give a brother some warning. If they said on the menu that it was wheat bread than I'd have passed it over in favor of the breakfast buritto and you all could have enjoyed a rant on how the tortillas you get at restaurants are an affront to humanity and we should all storm every cafe that serves these anemic flour papers with pitch forks and torches. <----longest sentence ever.

I did however enjoy the orange.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Giants Win the NL West! How the Giants Made me a Better Dad

World's Greatest Giants Fan!
On Sunday the SF Giants ended my seasons long torture and finally put the Padres down like the broken dogs they truly are to win the NL West pennant for the first time since too damn long ago. I hope Barry Bonds saw it from his Giant House, on top of a Giant pile of money and wept Giant tears! Ironically enough this team reminds me of the cursed Angels team that beat my Gigantes the last time they went to the World Series (I hope Dusty Baker feels guilty forever and gets pelted with Don Robinson bobbleheads whenever he visits ATT Park).

My favorite Giants memory is oddly enough not on the field. No foul balls or homeruns caught yet (seriously, I've been to like 60 games and not even 1) fun encounters with players  and none compares. My favorite Giants memory revolves around my daughter and my dad.

It was the last season the Giants played at Candlestick and my mom and dad and I decided to take my daughter to her first Giants game. She was so little back then and was quite a trooper. It was a typical freezing night game but it was after the last out was recorded in my program that my memory kicks into extra innings.

We were walking across the maze that was the 'Stick's parking lot with my dad holding my fast asleep little daughter in his arms. It was chillier than the $6 beers and more dark than a public place should be at that hour when it happened. My dad didn't see the small chain hanging at shin level that connected two pylons that were used to direct traffic. To this day I have no idea why that parking lot was strewn with tripwires; it's a parking lot, not a vietnamese jungle.

My dad hit that hazard at full tilt and as he started to trip and fall with my daughter in his arms time slowed to a 162 game grind. I reached out to him as he twisted to protect my daughter. He teetered over the edge as I caught up to him and he managed to stay upright. In that split second I saw what it truly meant to be a father.

Up to that point I was floundering as a dad and didn't truly understand the depth of raising a child but seeing my dad willingly sacrifice himself without a moments hesitation or thought truly drove the gravity of fatherhood into my brain and that moment wouldn't have happened if it weren't for my dad's bravery, our devotion to our team and Candlestick Park's ridiculously stupid parking lot.

Thanks for 35 yrs of ups, downs, homers and K's SF Giants. And thank you for opening my eyes to how truly important the world's greatest Giant's fan is to me.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

DnD Chronicles: Coming Soon...

In a world where grown men pretend to be fantasy heroes that never existed there is a blog. Contained within this blog (every Friday weather permitting) will be the chronicles of some of these men and their imaginary heroes. Gather ye den around your monitor every Friday for the further adventures of these intrepid, non-existent heroes.

I'm going to try and chronicle the adventures of Brannan Brundle and his impending group of heroes and their heroic(?) adventures. Stay turned for the adventures of a thuggish, cheese loving rogue of a cleric and his buddies.

Gentlemen, start your funny dice!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

PAX Quick Hit: Food Fail, now with 100% more Engrish!

I wanted to drop a quickie on ya, a PAX nooner if you will...and I hope you will....

I love the food scene in Seattle (Dick's crap burger aside) but there were a couple bad food moments I wanted to share, 1 funny one and one, not so much.

Whilst trolling for food the lovely Robin pointed out this sign:
Turtl- Toretl- Torrtl- Oh screw it!
How's this for a new culinary rule? If you can't spell the food you can't serve it.

It's a very simple rule that I think could have a profound effect. Say you want to serve a dish like tortellini but don't know how to spell it. Maybe, just maybe you look it up in a recipe book on on a how to cook database online that not only is tortellini spelled with two 'l's and two 'i's but you might also discover that tortellini is not lasagna! But Ray you might cry out, "Isn't that tortellini to the right of the lasagna placed under the misspelled tortellini sign?" No sir, that is what they are calling angel hair alfredo with parsley chicken, whatever the hell that is.

So, we are all agreed then, no selling me food you can't spell. In an unrelated note, the noodles I ended up getting two stalls over were delicious....and spelled accurately.

Monday, September 27, 2010

PAX Travelogue: Picture Perfect

Most of you know I rant constantly about the insanity of my weekly commute on twitter an FB (find me at geekgamerguy for both). I've decided to share my transit experience from Emeryville to Seattle and back in pictures with only captions and the pix telling the story. I apologize in advance for the weird formatting. eBlogger is shit for pic formatting.

Feel free to ask for more details in comments. So it begins....

I thought I packed light; I was wrong.
Every good trip begins with taking care
of the essentials.

The infamous EmeryGoRound.
Looks almost harmless from
a distance doesn't it...
And then its on you!

With my fistful of gold pieces I am ready
for whatever mass transit throws my way!
Muni madness. You can't tell but there's
actually 45,000 people/car. Or maybe it just
feels that way.

Hello Newman! My old nemesis the BART.
Boarding Pass acquired!
Now to storm the Virgin! (airlines)

Creepy twink billboard making me question
my sexuality. I wonder if people that shop at
Polo are called Polophiles? They should be. 
This lady snuck a whole pie on! And I watched
her and her hubby polish the whole thing off!

Every chair on Virgin Air has a personal
entertainment center. It's nearly

non-functional but at least its mine. 
Decisions, decisions...

Mmmmmm empty calories brought to me
without having to move my lazy ass.

The lovely Chelsea Handler in the corner of the menu.
Some day I'll marry that girl and our livers will live to a
ripe old age of 40 together.

Biplane at SeaTac. Recently retired by
Southwest Airlines.
Dunno what it is but I want one.

The Red Dragon! Robin's mighty steed!
The lovely Robin preparing to tame the dragon!